If you read my post yesterday, you saw that I wrote nice things about myself. And when I wrote it I honestly meant it. I do see myself as beautiful and as a lovely person. But yesterday, you know what happened? I reread my post at around lunchtime and I didn’t believe it.
I read it and thought “why am I lying to myself and others? I don’t feel that way about myself, I never have and never will”. This I am calling the Holly Monster, because it has basically eaten up and destroyed my feelings, relationships and (what feels like) life in general. I let the HM come into my head and it tells me that I’m ugly or boring or not good enough or dumb or fat or lazy or a million other horrible things. The HM has gotten in the way of past relationships, friendships, jobs, doing well in classes, etc. You name the situation, it has gotten in the way.
The HM (or bad self esteem, bad self image, whatever you want to call it) ruled my head, my attitude, my life. And to be honest, it sometimes still does. I call it a monster because, well, it is. It terrorizes me and in a way, holds me hostage and keeps me from doing things that I want to do. I am a work in progress and I find that my HM shows itself less and less, but it is still there.
I used to want to start a blog AFTER I have this all figured out. After I am happy with my body and how I look and how I act and what I say and do. But you know what? If anything, having this blog has helped me get closer to that inner peace – but I know I have a ways to go.
Have you ever struggled with a poor body image/poor self esteem/[your name here] monster? Do you still struggle?
So, the summary would be this: I hope to one day be at peace with myself, but I am not there. I am starting to see myself as a beautiful, valuable person, but the HM still rears its ugly head at times.
I thought maybe a Monster Breakfast this morning would help me feel better – makes sense, right?
In the mix:Oatmeal Protein powder Smashed banana Chia seeds Almond milk Blobs of Nuttzo Choc chips Schmear of strawberry preserves Sprinkle of walnuts Drizzle of choc syrup (melted choc chips) –
It was awesome. Katie I wanted to say thanks for always leaving me the most positive, wonderful comments. You certainly brighten my day! Thanks Friend.
Thank God it is Friday!!!
What are your plans for the weekend?
I think J and I will “have to” hit up the MN State Fair. 🙂
Have a good one,